I deceived everything and everyone I believed in - including myself. Whatever happened to those six Leaguers over those missing sixteen hours - and any trouble that follows because of it - is all my fault.
How can I even begin to make up for such a betrayal?
Jim and I did yet another sweep of Project Cadmus today - this time with the latest Wayne Ecogram unit. We methodically checked all fifty-two sub-levels and what remains of Genomorph City. Even searched the secret freezer where Superboy found Match, but doesn't appear to be any other hidden rooms or passageways.
We're back to square one.
In other not-so-stunning news, Jim received confirmation he's another clone of the real Roy. He told me like it should make me feel better. Like it was now a burden we shared. But he didn't replace Roy, didn't take over Roy's entire life. He still doesn't really get it.
GBS reports a new hero has joined our "illustrious fraternity". Calls himself Blue Beetle and operated out of El Paso of all places. Looks like another would-be Batman with tech, no powers and a smile. Poor sap has no idea what's he really in for. He'll be lucky if he's not dead in six months.
Meanwhile, it's been TEN months and we're no closer to finding Speedy than we started. Even Bats has uncovered nothing useful. Guardian, Canary, G.A., and the Team are shadowing Lex Luthor in shifts to see if he leads us anywhere. But Luthor's too smart for that. I need to take more drastic action.
Something's still eating at me though... I know M'gann says she wiped all of the residual Cadmus programming from my mind, but how can I be sure? How will I ever really know if Savage and Luthor's hold over me is truly broken?
"Broken Arrow" may no longer work, but am I still being programmed. even now?
Tracking Luthor's operations have led me here. Feel like I'm close to uncovering something big - maybe something that could lead me to Roy - but Cheshire keeps getting in my way. Can't fathom why that woman works so hard at thwarting me, except that it seems to give her some kind of perverse pleasure...
But that pleasure may be the key. I'm beginning to think she's my best hope for infiltrating the League of Shadows and getting closer to the so-called Light. Next encounter - I'm throwing the fight.
Oh, and Merry Christmas, Roy. I'm getting closer, I swear.
Clearly, my reputation as Justice League traitor has its benefits. Cheshire's been able to convince Sensei I've gone rogue and am "freelancing" now. (Nor far from the truth.)
Jade, that is Cheshire and I just returned from chaperoning a shipment of LexCorp tech to Bialya. Got a look at some of it: drilling equipment. Could Speedy be buried underground somewhere? I need to delve a little deeper...
Jade isn't the psychopath everyone thinks she is. It's a front she uses to keep people at a distance. There's depth there, when she lets you see behind the mask.
The way she was raised, it's no wonder she's gone down this dark path. On one side, there's her father - my former handler - who pretty much built her to follow in his ruthless footsteps. And on the other is her sister, who prays she'll switch sides.
Like Artemis, I can see the good in her. Not sure Cheshire sees it though, and ultimately that's what counts.
At the end of the day, I still can't - shouldn't - trust her.
If I didn't know better, I'd almost think they were planning a heist. But it's bigger than that. LexCorp's robot production has increased exponentially since I started tracking his operations three years ago.
Something going down, though I'm not sure when. Can't see the connection to Speedy yet, but it must be there.